Carve This Irony

History of the Jack-o-Lantern

People have been making jack-o-lanterns at Halloween for centuries. The practice originated from an Irish myth about a man nicknamed "Stingy Jack." According to the story, Stingy Jack invited the Devil to have a drink with him. True to his name, Stingy Jack didn't want to pay for his drink, so he convinced the Devil to turn himself into a coin that Jack could use to buy their drinks. Once the Devil did so, Jack decided to keep the money and put it into his pocket next to a silver cross, which prevented the Devil from changing back into his original form. Jack eventually freed the Devil, under the condition that he would not bother Jack for one year and that, should Jack die, he would not claim his soul. The next year, Jack again tricked the Devil into climbing into a tree to pick a piece of fruit. While he was up in the tree, Jack carved a sign of the cross into the tree's bark so that the Devil could not come down until the Devil promised Jack not to bother him for ten more years. Soon after, Jack died. As the legend goes, God would not allow such an unsavory figure into heaven. The Devil, upset by the trick Jack had played on him and keeping his word not to claim his soul, would not allow Jack into hell. He sent Jack off into the dark night with only a burning coal to light his way. Jack put the coal into a carved out turnip and has been roaming the Earth with it ever since. The Irish began to refer to this ghostly figure as "Jack of the Lantern," and ..........................................................

O.k. so you are probably thinking, what the fuck happened to the jack-o-lantern story, and why is there a picture of a bunch of Jews in its place?

It's pretty simple actually. I took Anastasia Beaverhausen with me to pick out a pumpkin, right... and every fucking place we went she was all like, "This place is way too expensive, I know another place where we can get one cheaper".

So after about six hours of this, I was like, "forget this bullshit. This chick is whacked."

I mean, I have no problem spending $3.99 on a pumpkin, and I was even going to surprise her by making her very own 'Special' pumpkin. I even bought a mold for it (See above photo).

(aside: There is no way I am going to tell her how much I spent on this mold. I'm pretty sure I got robbed).

So, out of fucking nowhere... I came up with an excellent and 'cheap' idea, that I know Stingy Beav. would not have a problem with.

And, Oh yeah, she was all like, "What is it? What is it? What is it?" -- Fucking 'Heeb' is not only cheap, but she is also whiny, and impatient -- I told her it's going to be a surprise.

So, this is what I did. I bought a couple of those 'Oil stick' paint pens for a buck fifty .... and well ... ... ...

(Photo Provided by: new-x10-chink-camera-mount)

BEHOLD!!! Tell me this mother-fucker isn't going to scare away that 'Stingy Jack' bastard! In fact, we don't even have to buy candy this year, cause this 'Trick' will be sitting on the porch, and ain't no mo-fo's gonna want no candy!