Tea for Two

"When we consider how small after all the cup of human enjoyment is, how soon overflowed with tears, how easily drained to the dregs in our quenchless thirst for infinity, we shall not blame ourselves for making so much of the tea cup." The Book of Tea (1907), Kakuzo Okakura

O.k. so, tea began in ancient China over 5,000 years ago when this 'Chink' Emperor Shen was standing around with a cup of boiled water --instead of a fucking camera-- and dried leaves from a nearby bush blew into his cup (aside: he was holding a cup of boiled water because, during this time water was boiled for hygienic reasons)... so what happened was a brown liquid infused into the water. The Emperor was interested in the new liquid, drank some, and found it very refreshing; And so, according to legend, tea was created. By Chinks! Then, in Japan Pseudo-Chinks elevated tea to an art form resulting in the creation of the Japanese Tea Ceremony ("Cha-no-yu" or "the hot water for tea"). The best description was written by pseudo-chink Sun Ho Jun Fun Dung Chung Un-Hung or some fucked up Jap name, anyway , he so eloquently wrote, "The Tea ceremony requires years of training and practice to graduate in art...yet the whole of this art, as to its detail, signifies no more than the making and serving of a cup of tea. The supremely important matter is that the act be performed in the most perfect, most polite, most graceful, most charming manner possible".

I agree, if I'm going to spend all this fucking time making some bitch a cup of tea. I expect to get at least a blow-job, even if the blow-job is from a 'stingy-jew'. (I will not mention any names here). And it had better be a damn good blow-job or the bitch is going to get perfectly scalded in the most polite, most graceful, most charming manner possible!

Onward with my tea story... It is well known -- well known accept for you bunch of 'Fuckwits' -- esp. you 'Sofa King Ski-Mask wearing Wop mother-fucker' -- that the first tea bags were made from hand-sewn silk muslin bags ... patents of this sort dating as early as 1903 (see above diagram). The bags first appeared commercially around 1904, tea bags were successfully marketed by tea and coffee shop merchant Thomas Sullivan Lipton of New York, who shipped his tea bags around the world.

(En Sequitor (((Alert))): Since we are on the subject of the 'Around the World' it's a neat trick to try to fuck a chick in all the standard positions without pulling your dick out of her. I was able to achieve the around the world once. It helps if the chick has a tight pussy).

I have always believed that the tea bag was a metaphor for a deeply fractured society. It levels the heights of great culture, a truly proletarian deed, bringing it within the grasp of all while being itself the antidote to cultural sensitivity of any kind. There is no way any of you understood that, so let me rephrase it... YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF LAZY MOTHER-FUCKERS, and without tea-bags you aren't drinking no tea! Within its powdery heart lies the beauty and elegance of the Japanese tea ceremony -lineage - and the British attachment to tea as a symbol of home and hearth a great intimacy. It is only in Westernized countries that time has been constrained to such an extent that the tea bag has been able to take hold.